3 Steps to Release the Past and Take Control of Your Out of Control Life

Life Speaks blog series; Blog post #4

Cristina Ruscica, February 16, 2021

Have you ever found yourself pushing up against things in this life? This may look like wishing something to be different than what it is, or even forcing your way to make something happen. Maybe there were things happening that you did not want to happen so you tried to stop them or change their course. Maybe there were undesirable things triggered for you by someone else, so in order to feel better, balanced and at ease, you pushed up against their actions so not to disturb your own. Or, maybe, you have held onto pain and scars from your past in a way that those things became real for you each time there was a flutter of a memory resembling such. So, to avoid this trigger, you tell someone to change. You tell them to do things different than what they are because then, and only then, do you believe you will find peace. Until then, their actions hold you within a pattern of resentment, anxious anticipation and worry for fear that without having control over their actions, you have lost all control over your own.

As you navigate yourself through understanding these emotions and responses, it becomes evident the ways that those darker places in us are activated so easily and effortlessly by the things lurking around. Sometimes silently in the not so distant space. Other times, they become belligerent and screaming at you with blatant force that you are caught off guard and wanting to run, hide and forget. All of this because of fears and past hurts, you then try to desperately grab onto everyone else in attempt to create order in your life. Relying on them to bring you peace, yet, only to find yourself feeling depleted and helpless the more you tried to do so. If any of this resembles a part of you that is ignited by remembering such things, I invite you to read on.

“This is because you can only see things that are in front of you,

and these things are constructed by your own

creation derived from within.”

I am talking about the times that you tried to control something or someone because of the viewpoint from where you stand. The times that you were witness to seeing someone you love, make choices in their life that according to your own standards were not up to par. You see them stuck within the confines of a small and restricted space. Perhaps enforced by their own self-beliefs, worth and value. Thus, being their circumstances that were created by their own doing. Yet, for some reason, we hold ourselves responsible for changing this for them. Somehow, we seem to think that we know better. Better than what they have set out as being best for themselves. But because of our view, we may know different and feel the need to impose the knowledge from this perspective, onto the place that they are standing within. The thing is, they may not be able to see the same things you do, simply because the angle they are standing at, does not allow for the same view. Just the same as you are not able to see things from their viewpoint either. Each way has its limitations and to expect that the other will understand and be able to see the things that you see will not happen unless either they move, or you do. It doesn’t even matter the number of times you have seen them be hurt and feeling scared. It does not matter that you believe you may very well know different, know better even. This is because you can only see the things that are in front of you, and these things are constructed by your own creation derived from within. We cannot impose this change on anot